Escaping Domestic Violence

UK DV victims fleeing their abusers (ex partners, social services, family court judges, Cafcass etc..)- A survival guide

The truth of the matter is since emotional harm was added into the children act as a form of abuse, UK government departments have branched out in all areas of emotional welfare concerning children and child protection.

Marco born in one of Malaga’s hospitals

As with my own story one of the saddest situations for women today are those who are or have been involved with reporting domestic violence are at serious risk of losing their children. From the moment a mother picks up the phone to the police and reports her partner or ex partner for domestic violence her children are ear marked for removal and adoption. Brutal you say? yes the law is brutal unless you can prove you can protect yourself and your children from the abuser…but of course you say ‘isn’t it the police and criminal courts job to do that’..well erm actually according to the social services and a family court judge no injunction will protect mother because either father will not take notice or mother will break the order herself because she is weak and in love with him.

If you report DV more than once YOU WILL be branded weak and EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE  putting your love interests before the interests of your children (apparently). Social services will also throw in a few bits about the children being untidy or aggressive for good measure in their reports be it true or in most cases NOT.This is how social services persuade a judge to put a care order on your children so they can be removed from you and taken into foster care. Anyone who has read John Hemming or LyndaMac blogs will know that doctors who are appointed by the family court otherwise known as  ’expert witnesses’ are in a league of their own. These doctors are paid for by the social services, Cafcass and your legal aid (if you represent yourself no wonder the court want you to get a solicitor asap or the expenses is down to everyone else!).

Now I am not saying all doctors are total quacks Mystic Meg’s ‘I know it all’ types, but I would say in their own ‘field’ they most certainly think they know it all otherwise they wouldn’t be on the expert witness panel of Court certified Doctors would they? (you can find these  just google expert witnesses). I wont go into the Psychobabble of expert witnesses who are used as a weapon of mass destruction against you in court as I want to save this topic for the future and in great detail in my book. For now I want to concentrate on where does a woman who is in the situation where she is on the brink of losing her children? Ok please take note of the following..

Republic Of Ireland

Is classed as the ‘common travel area’ and the social security system is linked with the UK’s. If you are unemployed you can claim your benefits in Ireland just as you would in UK, what you cannot get away with is claiming in both countries, it is LINKED! Emotional harm does exist in Ireland’s child protection (although only extreme harm and with EVIDENCE of such not like in the UK where it is on ‘possibility) but from my experience and knowledge they DO NOT take children from a parent who has suffered and/or reported domestic violence. So if that if your problem then go and build your children a new life away from your abuser. If you choose not to keep your abuser away then repeated DV will not go un-noticed and you may well both be pulled into court and have exclusion orders slapped on you, break these and your children will be at risk of going into care but not adopted as it is illegal to adopt a child against the parents wishes here. You will need in order

1) PPS number from your City social welfare/tax office (take as much ID as you can for you and your children) you can get your PPS numbers by ringing up after a few days ,quote your reference number)

2) Take your PPS numbers to your LOCAL social welfare office and apply for single parent whilst you find a job or not depending on what you want to do.

3) Go to and find a landlord/property who will accept rent allowance

4) Find your local ‘Clinic’ this tends to be a doctors and in there will be a supplementary welfare officer for you to claim weekly money and rent allowance whilst your single parent claim goes through.Register at the doctors whilst your there and apply for  a health card and the health nurse. If you feel it necessary approach social services as i did and tell them why you are here they maybe able to offer you some assistance in a good form and not one that is intrusive or threatening  like what you have experienced with British social workers.

5) Apply for child benefit, to get this you must provide a letter from the local school confirming the attendance of your child or if child is under 5 a letter from your doctor confirming registration.


Do not go to Spain if you need to rely on the benefits system (unless you are a pensioner of course), this is most unfortunate for people with disabilities but i will find a solution eventually! To survive in Spain you must work, here is a quick survival guide.

1) Emotional harm does not exist in Spain so unless you have been accused of physical ,sexual or neglect against a child you WILL keep your children. For domestic violence issues it is pretty much the same as Ireland except they may well throw the woman into prison if you continue to break any exclusion orders against your partner purely because you are wasting police and court time reporting your abuser! In the high-profile cases of Megan Coote and Sam Hallimond and partner Vanessa both concerning Suffolk social services here is the difference…

The Spanish Authorities say Megan gets to keep her baby as it was future emotional harm that the UK were seeking to remove the baby for (doesn’t exist in Spain at the moment). Regarding Sam and Vanessa’s 1st baby ‘Daisy’  initially removed also on the basis of future risk of emotional harm, baby number 2 was removed by Spanish Authorities because Suffolk decided to change tactics from using emotional harm to at risk of physical harm. A risk and accusation Suffolk cannot prove according to the parents paperwork, so lets hope that if it is the case of Suffolk being liars the Spanish see this and return the baby. The problem UK fear with this case is if the baby is returned to Sam and Vanessa the 1st baby Daisy will surely have to be returned to the parents, if not there is a case for the courts of European rights if one country orders a child for adoption and another leaves child to stay in the birth family! The tax payer would be looking at paying a 6 figure sum for a case gone wrong like that as in my own case (I’ll get there).

2) After finding accommodation go to your main police station with ID and apply for your NIE numbers (this is for residence the same as Ireland’s PPS) It is preferable to get someone to look after your children to do this and then present your children to the officer at the end. I paid someone 200 euros to queue for me (these people are easy to find) queuing starts around 3am to be guaranteed a ticket as the police only give out a certain amount a day.

3) When you have your NIE after about 7 days take this to the town hall along with your tenancy agreement and get your empadronamiento

4) When you have your empadronamiento take this paperwork to the social security office (Seguridad Social) and apply for your tax number. Apparently if you have a national insurance tax contributions certificate (E301) makes life a lot easier for the Spanish otherwise register as self employed for the minimum tax to pay a month or if you are lucky enough to get a job with an employer that will pay your tax you have things much simpler! As a single mother you can apply for 100 euro a month childcare if under 3 yrs of age and 100 euro a month child benefit but i think this is per household? someone please correct me. Also there is a new scheme where the housing department (find out at your town hall) where they will pay 258 euros a month towards your rent. There is also a payment from social security for mothers who can receive 2500 euros when they give birth but i was unable to get this as i had not been living in Spain for more than a year. I do understand however you might be able to claim this up to 2 years after giving birth if you continue to live in Spain.

Lucas holding Marco!

5) Take your social security number with your empadronamiento to the doctors to register you and your children for free health care and a health check which is needed to get them into state school. You can register with a European health card and get your child’s health check this way but most doctors will only issue you with a temporary card, if you do it this way you will have to say you are living temporary in Spain for a year maybe. 6)Get your children into school, you can put children in from age 3 but it is compulsory to have them in school full-time at age 6.

Finally I would like to thank the kind people who have helped me from Catholic churches in Spain and in Ireland, from having baby items such as blankets, carry cots, car seats, children’s clothes bought and even made with their bare hands. I once wrote a prayer whilst on the ferry over to france  on June 27th 2007 asking if their was a god to protect us from the British authorities  and let there be people during our time on the run who would be  kind enough to help us survive..and there was. Although a warning to people who are adamant on crossing boarders into other countries not everyone is so kind and there are people who will use your weaknesses to their advantage because they also need to survive. Just be careful who you tell your life story to because no matter which way you look at it you become even more vulnerable away from friends and family and your priority is to keep safe, survive and surround yourself with good people and the church is a good place to start to connect with.

Another successful escape!

Hello my good friend, friend of humanity! Me and Amaani and Daddy have finally made it to Dubai! Got here last night, thought i will let you know. We were in France, yesterday, had taken a ferry to Cherbourg from Ireland  drove to  Paris, Paris to Bahrain, Bahrain to Dubai.My God it has been an adventure and tiring too! we are celebrating parental love my god how cheeky are the British Authorities to infringe on something so natural,pure and perfect, we will love our daughter, we will cuddle our daughter till earths end. My friend thank you, thank you for all your help and a cuddle for you too
kind regards
AND AGAIN! This time escape to N cyprus!
dear ian

i wonder if you remember me? i am abby ozari and you graciously helped and advised me in january of this year on my awful fight with brighton social services with regards to my three small children.
i had moved town to get away from an abusive ex husband and suddenly social services were in mine and my children’s lives, accusing me of inflicting emotional halm as they had witnessed  their farther and i argue, yes just that! my children were put on brighton’s child protection list after my ex had left the family home in november 2009 and so began the most hellish two months of my life.
let me just say that my childhood was horrific. i was a child carer to my mentally ill mother, missed years of school and was in and out of care.
despite all of this nothing could prepare me for the emotional turmoil that ss in brighton inflicted on my family. as you often say ian, you couldn’t make it up!
their farther cem stayed away as instructed by ss, i went to their pointless dv classes, i enrolled in parenting classes although my parenting of the children had never been in question.
yet all the time, day by day i had this mounting uneasiness inside, as if something truly terrible were about to happen.
i lost my first born son back in 2000 and since then have not been able to face the fear that something awful could happen to any of my three beautiful children.
at one social worker visit, i came down with  a migraine, a condition i hadn’t suffered from in years, i believe due to the deep fear i had of my children being taken from me, and put into care. i didn’t for a second want them to experience what i had 20 odd years back, especially as the uk ‘care’ system seem to be 100 times worse these day. my children are very beautiful and bright. they stood out in the their local state primary and without sounding boastful, people in brighton would often stand and stare at them. i now believe my children were definitely ear marked for forced adoption by brighton ss, this was the source of my mounting fear though i could not articulate it properly even to myself until i thankfully stumbled upon you wonderful  forced adoption site late one night.
oh, what a help and a god send it was! each night as my children slept i read your site, over and over until i realised, along with a talking to you on the phone  that ss did indeed want my babies and i had to get them out of england if at all possible.

in many many ways i was very lucky, the farther of my children cem is turkish cypriot and his family have quite a big property out there.
as you know british law has no bearing in north cyprus, so if i could just get to cyprus  before a care order was issued, my children would be safe!
i worked closely with my  mother-in-law, who in a bid to isolate me and the children, had been forbidden from  brighton ss to visit us, even though she had come from cyprus at christmas time just to see them!
together, we got the children’s passports, packed and with in about three weeks had tickets and were ready  to get the children out of the country. all this time their farther cem’s supervised visits with the children had been rearranged and cancelled i believe in a bid to make him flip and lose his rag with ss which to his credit he did not.
i had been pressured by a wicked solicitor who was obviously in bed with brighton ss to get an injunction against cem although there was no real violence in the relationship and he had never hurt his kids. this same solicitor told me that there were MORE CHILDREN TAKEN IN TO CARE FROM MY TINY COUNCIL ESTATE OF WHITEHAWK IN BRIGHTON than the whole of london! if this didn’t ring alam bells with me than i don’t know what did!
at your advice i did not get an injunction against cem, although i stalled and led ss in to believing that i would. i’m so glad i did not as if i had cem would not have been able to take the children to cyprus with his mother and i would have been in prison for braking the injunction no doubt!
things had been bad between their dad and me for some 2 years and we had just got a lovely council house in brighton with enough room for the children that we had been doing up.
as a child i dreamed of living in a 3 bed house with a garden when i grew up as my family life was non-existent and i was reluctant to just up and leave the home id got for my children, they adored the house, every night my daughter mia thanked god for it in her prayers.
i also know my family would be very hard up in cyprus as no benefit system, if i stayed and worked for a while i could at lest send money.
i also was afraid that ss would somehow follow us and take the children any way and as im bright i felt i could fight any care orders issued win and at some point bring my children home to england if i stayed behind for a while.
brighton ss did issue a care order, issued by none other than the wicked judge coats herself! someone i  know you’ve come across before.
i remember at the first hearing she ordered tipstaff and all sorts of legal clout to go after my children although they were in north cyprus!
i remember standing up, representing myself saying, ‘my children have not been kidnapped your honour.’
maybe i should not have said that because i believe that gave the awful women ideas.
i am not stupid and had given their farther a letter signed by me stating that i fully agreed for cem to take his children to cyprus for as long as we both saw fit. i stated as we were still married he and i had full parental authority to do this.
even so, british ss promptly contacted the british embassy in north cyprus saying that I had complained to british ss that their dad cem had kidnapped them! again, you couldn’t make it up! what a wicked bare face lie. i knew that brit ss wanted my children badly!
i emailed my mother in law and their dad, this very fact, they had to go to brit embassy and present my email and the letter i had given them the next day. if they had not i believe bitish ss would have gone to cyprus to try and snatch my children!
luckily they believed us and not brit ss. a child’s guardian went to cyprus to see the children and reported that they were doing very well and brit ss should drop the care order against my children which thankfully they did. i had hoped that i could join my children abroad but it wasn’t to be.
i had got a job and was sending money but i didn’t realize we had to put my kids in private schools in cyprus as normal schools are not taught in english, at first i was happy as my kids are very bright and private schools their are much cheaper than in the uk.
also my relationship with cem had suffered terribly through all the stress of ss, they had really set us up against each other, and what with our previous problems soon he emailed me stating that he wanted a divorce.
i was to lose my children, not to ss but to their father.
i am still living with this awful knowledge and pain and its crippling me. whilst i’m so grateful that the children are safe and well, and i speak to them on skype most days, i can’t be with them everyday, and its an awful grief.
they left in jaunuary and i havn’t been out to see them yet as their farther insists on a divorce before i go out to see my children, also as i am sending most of my money to support them in their private schools, i  havn’t had the money to go yet.
even so i am so grateful that they are not in care, we get on ok and their farther and i agree we will never bring them back to the uk for fear of ss trying to take them again, we just cant risk it.
i have met a new partner who is a business man and we have talked about buying a small property in cyprus so that i can spend every holiday with my children. this would be a god send  and its something we are working towards.
i want to thank you ian so much for all your help and insight and i really want to help other families like mine fight british ss. iv read the uk column and believe brian gerrish is a god send. the new academy schools will be used in the uk to brain wash our children and i am so thankful in many ways that my children will not have to experience that as they will grow up in cyprus now.
if you would like to print any of my story or put my contact details on your website i would be very honoured. the care order has been dropped and i have not been gagged!
i would love to become a mckenzie friend or write a book about my experiences with child social services  to help others and i wonder if you have any advice on this?
please email or call me any time. my number is 07577 889 711.
thanks again for all your help and kindness, please give my details to other families who might need advice from someone who’s been where they are. i look forward to hearing from you.

from abby ozari


2 Responses to Escaping Domestic Violence

  1. Pingback: The corruption of social services in the UK. | pickupakiikii

  2. Becky says:

    Hello, iv been reading a few of these posts as I am in a similar situation. I was hoping for some advise please.
    Basically ss forced me and my husband to separate due to risk of emotional harm to our children. We have obayed this for over a year out of fear of losing our children however last month we sadly lost our youngest to cot death and really just want to be a family and comfort each other. Ss have told us we are to have no contact or they will take our son. What can we do?

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